Happy Anniversary!

Well it is no longer the 16th, but still, I can remember can't I?  Our third anniversary was on wednesday, May 16th.  We didn't do much.  Wednesday's are busy days for me & Dan.  I have Bible study in the morning and teach piano in the afternoon and evening.  So that was our day this last wednesday too!  To be fair, it was the last day of piano lessons before summer so as of next week wednesday's won't be so busy anymore, but still.

So funny story about our anniversary.  For 3 years Dan has been wanting to buy me the third ring for my set.  For 3 years I have been saying that we don't have the money (which we didn't).  This year Dan didn't even ask.  He mentioned it a couple times after my house sold, but I just said I didn't need it.  Then we got our income tax return.  He said nothing.  Then last week I went to do the bank stuff and budget stuff and found a receipt from the jewelers.  Oops.  Apparently I have trained Dan well because he put the receipt in the envelope before he was supposed to - so good thing for habits, but oops on his part!  So I kept it a secret that I knew what he had done.  I waited and then on wednesday morning he gave me my third ring.  I did tell him then that I had already known, and we laughed, but it's nice to feel special and it's good for Dan to just spend money because he likes doing that too.

Then last night we sent the girls to my parents for the night.  We went out to the Keg, had a starbucks, wandered around the bigger Walmart and bought some cheapo movies, came home and watched one cheapo movie "August Rush" - which we had seen before and both really like!  So there went the getting sleep part of the night because by the time the movie was over it was almost 1!  And of course we didn't manage to sleep in really, but that's ok.  It was nice to not have kids around for a few hours anyway!

So happy anniversary to us and here's to many many many more!

What am I turning into?

Apparently it's a blog linking fanatic.  Here is another blog that I found recently that was written in light of the new Time magazine photo.  Food for thought definately!

Long time

So apparently it's been a long time since I've written anything here.  So goes the life of a mom of two - although that's not really an excuse because I know mom's of 4 or more who blog more regularily!

However, I have been thinking a lot of thing lately and just today remembered that I had a blog!  So oops on me for forgetting this thing.  I guess Facebook kind of just overtakes it sometimes.

Anyway, so today is May 10th.  Nothing special about May 10th.  But there are a lot of things special about May.  May 4th is the day that I peed on a stick last year and confirmed that I was pregnant with Brooklyn - our rainbow baby, May 16th is our wedding anniversary, and May 13th is Mother's Day.  There are other days special about May that are related to our extended family but those three days (obviously Mother's day changes dates) are special to us.  I bring this up because I read just today another blog from another mom who shared her feelings about Mother's day.  While I can't relate to her feelings in total, I cried while reading that blog because it did connect with my heart.  Here is the link to her blog.  Take some time to read it. (cue Jeopardy music)

This resonated with me because it is similar, but not the same, to me.  The difference is that I always wanted kids of my own.  As I graduated high school, then college, and the started my second degree with still no husband in sight (although I was only 24 at that time) I started thinking about how I could handle life with no kids.  I wasn't too concerned about it since I was only 24 at the time, but it was a concern in the back of my mind. 

God was, and is, good though and brought Dan and I together a week before I turned 25.  We were married 9 months later.  3 weeks after that we found out I was pregnant.  While I had, like I said, always wanted kids it was hard for me to believe that I would have one only 9 months after I had gotten married.  I wanted to be selfish and have my husband to myself for a little while!  It only took a few days before I was really excited though, so that didn't last long.  I did however, want a boy.  I have always wanted a boy and I especially wanted my boy first.  So I was convinced that my baby was a boy. 

We decided to find out what the baby was at the ultrasound and I knew it was going to be a boy.  I was wrong, my baby was a girl.  I haven't told many people this, but I was shocked, sad and disappointed.  I wanted my boy and this was a girl.  I didn't sleep much that night.  I actually cried most of the night.  Not because I didn't love my baby, but because I didn't want a girl.  It took a few days to get used to that idea, but I still wasn't excited.   I wasn't sure what I was going to do when this baby came around!

However, after a few weeks I started to get more used to the idea that I was going to have a girl and by the time I went into labour I was MORE then ready to have my baby girl in my arms.  I was crazy excited to have this baby and super ready to be a mom to my baby girl.  I was in love the moment I saw her.

Fast forward to Maddison's first birthday.  I had just discovered that I was pregnant again.  I was excited and ready to have another baby!  For some reason I knew that this pregnancy was different and I just wanted to share it with everybody!  I didn't care about the risk of miscarriage - I was going to have another baby!  Then I miscarried at 8 weeks.  Everything happened naturally so there is no way to know whether that baby was a boy or girl and no testing was done to determine why I miscarried, but I know in my heart that that baby was my boy.  That may not be my only boy because we aren't done having kids yet, but that was my boy.  Easter passed with great celebration last year because I knew my baby was in heaven, but after having a miscarriage I was scared to get pregnant again because I didn't know if I could still trust my body.

May 4th I took another pregnancy test.  It was positive.  I was excited, scared and not to sure what to think all at the same time.  While I wanted a boy, deep in my heart I knew it was a girl.  The ultrasound confirmed that and again I was disappointed, but not because it was a girl, but because I didn't know if I could love another girl as much as I love Maddison.  I guess that's a fear of all second time parents though.  I knew I would love her the same, but I still was scared deep in my heart that I wouldn't.  That fear was unfounded though and my rainbow baby Brooklyn is loved and cherised and it hasn't decreased or changed my love for Maddison either.

Bringing this back to the blog I read and Mother's day.  Mother's day last year was hard.  I was a mom of three (because I was already pregnant) but only had one baby to show and I wasn't about to tell anybody else I was pregnant again!  However I was still happy to celebrate the day with Dan & Maddison.  This year I have been thinking a lot about Mother's day.  I have two babies here and one in heaven and all three have changed me in some way.  The yellow roses Dan got me last week (although not for Mother's day, but for some reason I'm treating them that way) are still blooming and smell amazing and I guess it's just God's little reminder to me that it doesn't matter what I'm going through, God still cares about the details and will still provide for what I need.  And only He can give me the love that I need to handle my kids!

Introducing Brooklyn Paige

Just a quick intro to our wonderful daughter Brooklyn Paige.  Born January 11, 2012 weighing in at 6 lbs 12 ounces and 21 inches long.  She is a dream baby and everyone has adjusted wonderfully!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

So Christmas day might seem like a weird day to be writting on my blog, but since I haven't been able to sleep since 4 because my unborn child thinks I don't need sleep, I guess a Christmas Day blog it is!!!  I've actually been meaning to type something up for a while, but I just haven't.  There have been a lot of thoughts going through my head this season but I just haven't writtne them down.  One of the things I have been thinking about a lot is the true meaning of the season.  While December 25 is probably not the actual day that Jesus was born, it is why we as Christians celebrate.  I love Christmas and that includes Christmas music.  Dan does not love Christmas music the same way, however we have found one CD that both of us really like.  It is the Casting Crowns "Peace On Earth" CD.  In one particular song, "While You Were Sleeping" there is a line that says

"United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we're sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children"

and that line got to me every single time I heard it this year.  Maybe I have a new perspective because I've lost a child, maybe it's God working in me, or maybe it's just pregnancy hormones I have no idea, but the ridiculousness of the fact that in today's world we do everything we can to save the trees, animals, environment, etc but so easily throw away a child's life through abortion floors me.  It makes me want to shout from the rooftops about how silly that actually is.  Maybe a New Year's resolution for those of us who see the value in human life should be to not be afraid to take a stand?

Dec 30

So I had to stop writting the other day due to my daughter and husband waking up and Christmas morning actually starting!  Nothing wrong with that though!!!!!  My mind is still caught up in the same thoughts about the value of a human life and I love that God uses the smallest things to really make you think about life!!!!!

It's December!!!!

And that means it's Christmas!!!!  I'm a Christmas aholic and love this time of year!  I've been listening to Christmas music for a few weeks now and finally (because I don't really want to drive my husband crazy) I can decorate!!!!!  So yesterday I did some basic stuff and today some more will go up and then in the next week or so we'll get a tree!  And hopefully this baby will stay put until after Christmas even though there is no inication that she'll be here earlier.

The nerd in me

So I am a nerd.  In many ways actually, but still I am a nerd.  I like a lot of reality TV shows and one of them that I like to follow, but not watch, is "19 Kids & Counting".  I don't watch it because we don't have that channel anymore.  Do I actually want that many kids?  Not a chance, but I find it enjoyable (and entertaining if Dan is watching too because he sees the family in a completely different way) to watch this family raise their 19 kids.  Why does this family have 19 kids? They don't believe in birth control. Fine. More power to you! I don't particularily think hormonal birth control is good either, but I'm fine with non-hormonal types where as they are not.

Yes they have 19 kids and apparently one more on the way.  And it amuses me that every time they announce they are having another kid people get into a rage because it's "stupid, selfish, child abuse, etc, etc....".  My thoughts however, go towards a time, not too long ago, when birth control wasn't very common.  http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/pill/timeline/timeline2.html is just one website that describes the history of birth control.  While it has been used for years in various forms, it wasn't until the 1950's that the hormonal type became available and popular.  So what did people do before then?  Well a lot were much like the Duggars - they became pregnant whenever God (whether they believed in God or not) allowed them too.  It wasn't a big deal.  Did all families have huge numbers of kids?  No.  But many had 10+ I'm sure, although I have no research to back that up. 

So why the huge uproar now when a family has large numbers of kids?  Well because it's not common so that must make it wrong!  I mean seriously (and I say this with sarcasm) how do the older kids get to enjoy life when they are helping take care of the younger kids?  Can't you see that they are losing out on their childhood? (end sarcasm)  Just the thought of older siblings helping with younger ones seems to be horrific to most people!  Well sorry people, but that's the way it was done for years and now because we average only 1.86 kids per family with kids (.90 per family) we don't have to do that anymore does not make it child abuse!  Let the family have their kids!  God has given them the means to support these kids and the kids are all well loved and happy, healthy members of society.  Just because they are different then the majority of society does not make it wrong to have so many kids!

I guess I get a bit passionate about this (aka the nerd in me!) because I myself want what society would consider a large family.  In fact we have already gotten questions about whether or not we'll "try for a boy" because we'll have 2 girls.  Well people, we weren't planning on stopping after only 2 anyway, but we won't be continuing just for a boy!  We'll be having more (Lord willing) because we want more and feel that God wants us to have more!  Do we have a maximum number?  Yup, and it's much less then 19.  In fact it's less then 10 by a few digits.  No means huge to us, but to the rest of society our maximum number is crazy and if we actually get to that number I'm sure we'll be getting raised eyebrows by some people!