Let it snow

I tried to write a blog post last night but for some reason it just wasn't coming to me.  My heart was uneasy and yet I didn't know why.  I went to bed early but just layed there thinking and praying for probably about an hour.  It wasn't troubled thinking but just thinking and praying.

I don't know when it became so important to me, but sometime in the last couple of year being more vocally pro-life has become important.  Especially in the last couple of months actually.  I have always been pro-life but recently I've been moved towards being more so vocally.  Maybe it's because I finally have kids of my own or maybe it's because the medical community called my natural miscarriage a spontaneous abortion, even though everything happened naturally, that I have started to become more vocal.  Maybe it's happening because my friends baby, whose brain wasn't developing right and doctors suggested abortion, was born, as far as they can tell now, 100% healthy at the beginning of September.  I don't think it was just one of these, and many other, events that has moved me to where I am now, I think it's all of them combined.  So when I went to bed last night and spent that hour thinking and praying most of my thoughts and prayers were regarding abortion. 

I have been following Calgary's 40 days for life campaign online so I know that that is why my mind has been there often in the last few weeks, but last night was different.  I felt sprititually hurt over the thought of all those unborn babies.  I felt hurt over the cold attitude that society has towards these precious children and I am deeply saddened over the lies that the medical community has to tell in order for these mothers, and all those who support them, to go through that procedure.  I also felt sadness for the loss that those mothers feel and yet most of them probably won't be able to grieve their loss. 

I know from personal experience that grief brings healing.  If I hadn't been able to freely cry over the loss of my unborn baby at 8 weeks pregnant healing would have taken much longer.  And yet here I am, as the dots just fell into place as I was typing this out, crying again because if I hadn't miscarried I would have had a year old baby right now, as my babes due date was October 16th of last year.  Yet I can freely cry.  I can still morn the loss of my baby.  But those women who either make the choice themselves or feel that there is no other option for them and their babies can't freely cry because society tells them that there is nothing to cry about.

So I prayed last night.  I prayed for those who are able to stand across the street from the clinic in Calgary.  I prayed for those who have experienced abortions and are planning on aborting.  I didn't pray anything specific but I think that's ok because in Romans 8:26 it says that "in the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."  That was me last night.

And what do you know, this morning when I woke up I was at peace.  And I looked outside and discovered that it was snowing peacfully.  It's the kind of snowfall that reminds me how good God is because just as the snow covers up all the dirt and mess of the ground, God covers up and wipes clean all the dirt and mess of our lives.  He's in control people and I am so glad of that.  So even though I know that there will be days ahead when the battle rages on, I know the outcome.  I know who the winning side is and I can rest assured that He will prevail.

My heart is yearning....

Somewhere there is or will be a baby that will be mine.  Every day I read the blog post for 40 days for Life.  Every day it breaks my heart. 

Dan & I talked sometime last week about what country we want to adopt from.  We both would love Haiti but the Haitian government requires couples to be married for 10 years prior to adopting.  That's not a bad thing, it just puts our plans 7 years in the future.  My heart is beating for both Haiti & Ethiopia, and today I have been thinking a lot about my unknown child who likely isn't even born or even concieved yet.  I don't know when I will meet you my special child but know now that you are loved and wanted.  We are waiting, impatiently at times, for the day when you get to come home with us and we don't even know who you are yet.  You are special my child!

Growing Up...

So this morning I had to admit that I am finally growing up.  I know this might seem to be a bit late in the game to admit that but hey, sometimes denial is the best policy right?

And by growing up I mean that I have started drinking coffee.  And this morning I had to go into town to deposit some cash in the bank.  So on the way home (I left home shortly after Dan left) I stopped at McDonalds to get the girls & I breakfast.  And I ordered coffee.  I'm growing up people.

And on top of that I bought a pumpkin earlier this week and had to figure out what to do with it today.  So on the theme of growing up not only am I drinking coffee, but I am also doing grown up things like cooking pumpkin...

Thoughts on Life

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:33 & 34

How true, how true.  As you can see if you look right, these verses are visible on my blog ever time someone looks at it.  These verses are special to me.  When I graduated college they were given to me, by my mentor, as a motto for life, so to speak.  She challenged me to view everything through the lens of seeking first the kingdom of God, act on what God is calling me to do, and then to not worry.

That sounds pretty simple.  But it's not.  I worry.  I worry about a lot.  I especially worry about money.  Part of that is that I am mennonite and I think God specifically created all mennonites to be cheap.  It's not what we are taught, it's in our DNA somehow.  So we could have a million dollars in the bank (we don't) and I would still worry about money.  Letting that go is hard, but I'm working on it - thanks to my french husband who is completely opposite of me!

I've titled this post Thoughts on Life.  It ties in with my previous post about life, but that may be hard to see right now.  You see, on wednesday there was the parliament vote.  I also attend a ladies Bible study every wednesday morning.  This last wednesday there was a prayer request that broke my heart.  It dealt with life and specifically the life of an unborn child.  With Dan & I looking at adoption and figuring out the beginning steps of this, my first thought was to automatically say "we''ll take this child".  I couldn't say that however, because Dan was not there and this isn't a situation we've really talked about!  Nor did I know enough about the situation to say anything!  So I didn't say anything and the above verses came to mind.  Not so much the kingdom of God part, but the do not worry about tomorrow part.

You see, even though international adoption can cost thousands, I've never, even though it's ingrained in my DNA, been worried about that aspect of it.  I figure if God has called us to this, He will provide the finances we need.  And yet wednesday I was all of the sudden worried about the whole adoption thing and how it would work out!  So the last couple of days I've been working on not worrying about tomorrow.  It's not easy.  My mind wants to live in the future apparently.  But it's a work in progress and one day, whether soon or when I'm dead, I'm pretty sure things will get easier.  And I'm pretty sure it won't be soon.

Life

                                                                                  

Such a simple word.  Such a complex idea.

Today our government voted on a motion regarding life.  This was a controversial motion yet it really was simple.  It was challenging 400 year old wording in the criminal code determining when a person was really human.  In other words, when does someone have life?

This 400 year old wording states that "a child becomes a human being within the meaning of this Act when it has completely proceeded, in a living state, from the body of its mother.”  Therefore if any portion of a baby still remains in the mother's birth canal, that baby is not considered a human and therefore can still be aborted.  Really?  In today's society with all of our technology and insight into the development of a baby this is still considered accurate?  Really?

And so the debate raged on.  In reality if this motion had been passed (it was defeated today in a vote of 203-91) the only thing that would have happened was that a committee would have been set up to answer these questions:

1. What medical evidence exists to demonstrate that a child is or is not a human being before the moment of complete birth?,
2. Is the preponderance of medical evidence consistent with the declaration in Subsection 223(1) that a child is only a human being at the moment of complete birth?,
3. What are the legal impact and consequences of Subsection 223(1) on the fundamental human rights of a child before the moment of complete birth?,
4. What are the options available to Parliament in the exercise of its legislative authority in accordance with the Constitution and decisions of the Supreme Court of Canada to affirm, amend, or replace Subsection 223(1)?

So what is so scary about these particular questions?  Why would something like this cause an uproar with those who are pro-choice?  I can't really say because I don't know, but personally I think that it causes such fear because the answers to these questions bring with it huge responsibility.  The saying is that "with knowledge comes responsibility" right?  So more knowledge about the development of a human baby brings with it more responsibility to those of us (the entire human population) who are placed in charge of these smallest humans.  The responsibility to look beyond ourselves, beyond our selfish nature, and reach out to the weakest of the weak, take them in and protect them.

So where does that bring me today?  How do I respond to the vote today?  Well for starters I can be thankful that almost 1/3 of the members of parliament agree to looking at this topic!  (Yes I am a optimist!)  I can also write to Stephen Woodworth and thank him for bringing this topic up (and since the MP for my area voted in agreement I can also thank him, so thanks Chris Warkentin!). 

And I can pray.  If there is anything I have learned in the last month that I have been praying in the mornings it is that prayer can be answered and it can make a difference fast.  I can also join in or support events like 40 days for life and other similar types of events.  Since I am nowhere near Calgary I can't personally join in with them, but I can be there in spirit and in prayer. 

There is a lot more going on in my head right now that I can't clearly articulate into words so I'm going to leave it for tonight, but pray friends.  Pray, pray, pray.  God is working and He is working in ways that we cannot see.

Kids and God

So Dan likes to say that God gives us kids so we understand where He is coming from.  I tend to agree.  We are working on a bunch of stuff with Maddison right now - seeing as she is 2 that's kind of normal - and one of them is not screaming or reacting in anger.  So today a situation arose and she threw her baby stroller down the stairs and starting screaming.  So into the time-out chair she went, all the while screaming.  I put 10 minutes on the stove timer and waited.  After about 5 minutes she had calmed down enough for me to go over there and talk with her.  And so goes my talk:

Me: Maddison mommy loves you so much and I don't like putting you in time-out, but screaming and throwing things in anger are not appropriate responses to me saying no.

And on goes the light bulb in my head.  "Hello Heather.  Isn't that what you do if God says no?  Don't you scream and get angry with God if things don't go your way?"

And so continue the lessons learned whilst parenting.....

A little bit of news

So we are planning on adopting.  We don't know when, we don't know where from, and we don't know how on earth we will be able to afford it.  We just know that the Lord has led us to this place and we are trusting that He will lead us forward.  I posted a couple months ago about the circumstances that lead to this place (this post) and since then there has been little to report.  We have told both sets of parents that we are wanting to adopt but that's about it.  We have contacted an agency we want to work with and are just waiting for a weekend when we can go take their international adoption course. 

That's been the most frusterating part really.  They only offer this course in Edmonton or Calgary (except, of course, last year when they came to Grande Prairie and we didn't have the $250 to attend, nor were we planning on adopting this early then) and only once a month.  Every time they have offered this course we have been busy so far.  Actually in June when we originally looked into it, the earliest we could go would have been November really.  Now that weekend is booked with swimming lessons, so it's looking like maybe February of next year? 

Anyway, so while all of this is happening I have been informing myself and researching adoptions.  An online forum I frequent has an adoption board and that has been hugely helpful in giving ideas.  I also read blogs that I find and today I took a look at this one, which has some great ideas on fundraising for adoptions!  So I will definately be keeping that in mind as we move forward!