Updating the Blog

So it's been a while since I updated the title picture on the blog.  I figured since my youngest is now over a year, I should probably include her too!  So I updated the pictures.  Enjoy!

March 11

photo taken from http://heavenlysunsets.blogspot.ca/2010/08/exhausted.html

I know I said I was coming back, but it sure doesn't seem like it!  However, since I use this site as kind of a journal as well, there are some posts that I write, that never see the public's eye.  So I have come back, just not fully public.

Today is always a day of emotion for me.  If you look back over the last 4 years, in 3 of them I have written a post on March 11th.  And all 3 posts have been about the same topic.  My miscarried baby, born on March 11, 2011.  Each year is a little bit different.  But each year I think about where that baby would be today had he survived (he meaning either he or she as we didn't know).  The emotions of losing a baby never go away.  It doesn't matter how many babies you have after that (I have had 2), they never go away.  And I have discovered that each miscarriage also has it's own separate emotions, as I have also never blogged about my other miscarried baby, aside from the day that actually happened.  It doesn't mean that November 6th holds any less emotions for me.  It just means that I have dealt with the emotions surrounding that baby in a different way. 

For me today is usually bittersweet.  I have a good friend whose birthday is today.  So I have the happiness of wishing her a happy birthday.  And I have the memories of what this day was 4 years ago.  But I also know that had I carried that baby to term, I would not have my Brooklyn today either.  So there are all those emotions that arise when I think about the fact that I don't have one baby, but I do have another because I don't have one.  It is confusing and complicated and I can't even explain it well.  It makes today bittersweet.

However, that aside, today is a day that I remember.  And even though I think about my babe every year, there is always that hope and knowledge that despite everything, I will get to see my babies eventually.  My two boys are together (again provided both were boys) and, if truth be known, they are in a whole lot better of a place then they would be here.  They are in a place where there is no suffering, no pain, and they are whole in a way that I will not know until I join them there.  So happy birthday my baby.  Have fun celebrating!