This blog has been rolling around in my head for a while. Surprisingly, or maybe not, this is the first time I have had a chance to write one like this. I think most of you remember 28 weeks ago Dan & I went through our 3rd miscarriage. I was 12 weeks along. And tomorrow, November 18, was supposed to be my due date. I have it marked on the calendar still. I thought I would cry a lot more about it. But so far I haven't. I am missing my baby for sure. My head is going through everything I thought I would be doing right now. Those first baby snuggles. Bringing baby home. Those adjustments. My first Christmas with a newborn rather then an almost 1 year old. Seeing the girls with their new sibling. Having 4 kids in my vehicle. A new bucket seat because our old one expired this year, and so much more. Yeah. My head is going through a lot. And this is the first time I've really gone through all of this because the other two times, I was already pregnant by my miscarried due date. But I knew back in May that this one would take a while to heal from. In fact, only in the last few weeks have I been able to say that pregnancy announcements no longer feel like a stab in the back. My first reaction now is pure and complete happiness for my friends, rather than grief first, then a mixture of happiness and melancholy.
But God is faithful. He has brought us through the initial grief and placed us here. And we know that He is good. And I can honestly say that I have been able to find some good in this. For starters, this move has been more physically demanding then I imagined. We had to build a small deck on the front of our old house, which would have been hard to help with at 5 1/2 months pregnant. Unpacking boxes would not have happened as quickly, or at all, at 7 months. I would not have been able to take on the piano students that I currently have. I have been able to share my story with others who also have lost babies since May. I have been able to encourage and sympathize. And, most recently, I was able to attend my cousins wedding 10 hours away, which I would not have been able to do at 9 months pregnant. His wedding was only 10 days ago. There is no way I would have driven 10+ hours at 9 months pregnant. So while these things would have happened regardless of my pregnancy, I was able to assist in and enjoy these events now instead of just wishing I had been there or helped more.
And I can look forward. I have no clue whether the Lord wants us to have another biological child or not, but there have been exciting discussions happening in the Viel household in regards to our family! Things we have dreamed of since before we got married. And we still don't know what anything is going to look like, but that future suddenly seems a lot closer then it did 28 weeks ago.
