Let it snow

I tried to write a blog post last night but for some reason it just wasn't coming to me.  My heart was uneasy and yet I didn't know why.  I went to bed early but just layed there thinking and praying for probably about an hour.  It wasn't troubled thinking but just thinking and praying.

I don't know when it became so important to me, but sometime in the last couple of year being more vocally pro-life has become important.  Especially in the last couple of months actually.  I have always been pro-life but recently I've been moved towards being more so vocally.  Maybe it's because I finally have kids of my own or maybe it's because the medical community called my natural miscarriage a spontaneous abortion, even though everything happened naturally, that I have started to become more vocal.  Maybe it's happening because my friends baby, whose brain wasn't developing right and doctors suggested abortion, was born, as far as they can tell now, 100% healthy at the beginning of September.  I don't think it was just one of these, and many other, events that has moved me to where I am now, I think it's all of them combined.  So when I went to bed last night and spent that hour thinking and praying most of my thoughts and prayers were regarding abortion. 

I have been following Calgary's 40 days for life campaign online so I know that that is why my mind has been there often in the last few weeks, but last night was different.  I felt sprititually hurt over the thought of all those unborn babies.  I felt hurt over the cold attitude that society has towards these precious children and I am deeply saddened over the lies that the medical community has to tell in order for these mothers, and all those who support them, to go through that procedure.  I also felt sadness for the loss that those mothers feel and yet most of them probably won't be able to grieve their loss. 

I know from personal experience that grief brings healing.  If I hadn't been able to freely cry over the loss of my unborn baby at 8 weeks pregnant healing would have taken much longer.  And yet here I am, as the dots just fell into place as I was typing this out, crying again because if I hadn't miscarried I would have had a year old baby right now, as my babes due date was October 16th of last year.  Yet I can freely cry.  I can still morn the loss of my baby.  But those women who either make the choice themselves or feel that there is no other option for them and their babies can't freely cry because society tells them that there is nothing to cry about.

So I prayed last night.  I prayed for those who are able to stand across the street from the clinic in Calgary.  I prayed for those who have experienced abortions and are planning on aborting.  I didn't pray anything specific but I think that's ok because in Romans 8:26 it says that "in the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."  That was me last night.

And what do you know, this morning when I woke up I was at peace.  And I looked outside and discovered that it was snowing peacfully.  It's the kind of snowfall that reminds me how good God is because just as the snow covers up all the dirt and mess of the ground, God covers up and wipes clean all the dirt and mess of our lives.  He's in control people and I am so glad of that.  So even though I know that there will be days ahead when the battle rages on, I know the outcome.  I know who the winning side is and I can rest assured that He will prevail.

My heart is yearning....

Somewhere there is or will be a baby that will be mine.  Every day I read the blog post for 40 days for Life.  Every day it breaks my heart. 

Dan & I talked sometime last week about what country we want to adopt from.  We both would love Haiti but the Haitian government requires couples to be married for 10 years prior to adopting.  That's not a bad thing, it just puts our plans 7 years in the future.  My heart is beating for both Haiti & Ethiopia, and today I have been thinking a lot about my unknown child who likely isn't even born or even concieved yet.  I don't know when I will meet you my special child but know now that you are loved and wanted.  We are waiting, impatiently at times, for the day when you get to come home with us and we don't even know who you are yet.  You are special my child!

Growing Up...

So this morning I had to admit that I am finally growing up.  I know this might seem to be a bit late in the game to admit that but hey, sometimes denial is the best policy right?

And by growing up I mean that I have started drinking coffee.  And this morning I had to go into town to deposit some cash in the bank.  So on the way home (I left home shortly after Dan left) I stopped at McDonalds to get the girls & I breakfast.  And I ordered coffee.  I'm growing up people.

And on top of that I bought a pumpkin earlier this week and had to figure out what to do with it today.  So on the theme of growing up not only am I drinking coffee, but I am also doing grown up things like cooking pumpkin...