This one really isn't about life not being fair. But since it does concern my miscarriage, I figured I would put it under this title. It has been 3 weeks since my last ultrasound. I am not going to put in a whole lot of details, but I did have a small amount of retained tissue at that point. As of right now we are still waiting and I might still need a D&C, but because of all the specifics that I am not sharing, the doctor is very positive that I probably won't.
That said, I want to say that, looking back on this past month, I have to give God exactly the glory and honour that He deserves. While there are many different emotions we are still dealing with, and will be for some time, God put such a huge support group around us that it was next to impossible to not acknowledge Him for it. My best friend even managed to send me personalized flowers from 15 hours away! The constant support from friends at Bible study, the meals from friends that just happened to be delivered on the days I needed them most, the tree from another friend that will forever be a reminder of baby Dakota, the random facebook messages just asking how I was doing, my parents taking the girls for our anniversary weekend so that we could have some us time to recover, and I could mention many more. Even more so is the way that God worked out the above medical details. God knew that I didn't want to remember the exact time of losing baby because that is probably the hardest part about my first miscarriage.
So while this loss is harder then the other two for numerous reasons, it was also the one where I saw God the most. I still have no idea why this happened. I don't know if I want to know really. I know eventually I will find out, when I meet Dakota in heaven, but for now I don't know if my heart could handle that. All I need to know now is that God does know and even when I feel absolutely empty and drained, He will be there.
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