What I want to tell everybody but can't

Well I know that technically this would be telling everybody, but since I have looked and it doesn't appear that there are actually many people reading this blog (which is great for times like this)I will tell here.

Even before we were married Dan & I talked about kids and our kid plan.  That included numbers and timing and birth control and what-not.  In addition to having my own kids, I had always wanted to adopt and had even thought about doing adoption later in life as a single woman if I didn't get married.  So that factored into our discussion as well.  So we made our tentative plans, including most likely adopting in the future after we were done having kids of our own.

Fast forward to now.  Adoption has been on our radar since about 5 months into our marriage.  Reason being: Dan's niece.  If anybody reading this doesn't know, Dan's sister discovered she had cancer when she was about 4 1/2 months pregnant, which was about 3 months after we got married.  Austin was born via emergency c-section at 27 weeks gestation and has survived with flying colors.  Since we were expecting our unexpected baby #1 at that time, adopting Austin wasn't something we could really do at that point, but we did communicate that we would like to do it in the future.  Well now it appears that the Lord has closed that particular adoption door as Dan's parents have not felt the Lord leading them to give her up.  Which is fine.  Adoption is still on our radar - just not for Austin right now.

So, about a month ago I was reading some links to blogs that a friend had posted and suddenly felt that we should look into pursuing adoption now.  I kind of brushed it off and kept reading.  The feeling persisted and grew a bit stronger.  Due to some other things that I am thinking of and learning right now, I decided not to mention this to Dan but rather to just pray that in God's timing Dan would bring it up - I said nothing to Dan about anything.

About a week ago Dan, out of the blue as we were driving into GP for breakfast Saturday morning (sans kids because they had stayed at my parents for the night), said, and I quote, "I think we should start looking into adoption now because it might take a few years for anything to happen". 

Color me shocked.  I kind of sat in stunned silence for a couple of minutes.  I wasn't too sure what to do or say!  So me, being the genius I am said "really?" in my shocked voice.  I think I kind of threw Dan off because of that.  I then went on to explain what I had been feeling. 

So we are now starting the very preliminary steps of adoption.  And by preliminary, I mean preliminary.  Research.  Talking to those who have adopted.  Browsing the internet.  That's about it right now.  I'm honestly still kind of shocked.  We aren't, as far as we know, done having our own biological children, but apparently somewhere, sooner then we thought, the Lord has a child, or children, for us that will grow in our hearts rather then my body.