The Difference Perspective Makes

So last week I posted my goodbye to Viel baby #4.  This week I went for my checkup appointment to make sure the methotrexate is working as it should.  My levels have dropped by 26% and they wanted a 15% drop so things are working well and hopefully all will continue to work well.  But I must say, being in this doctor's office was a hard thing to do. 

The doctor who works on call for these types of situations is also the only doctor in our area who performs abortions.  She is a wonderful lady, very kind and soft-spoken, and definitely knows her stuff and was very sensitive to my situation.  However it was a very dark atmosphere in her office as compared to the two other obstetricians office's I have been to here.  The offices where I went for my pre-natal care with my girls (two different doctors) were both full of life and happiness with pictures of babies on the walls, children playing with the toys and smiling pregnant ladies who actually talked to each other in the office! 

This office was different.  There were no pictures of smiling babies on the walls, only stacks of factual medical information regarding pregnancy and women's health around the office.  Not one pregnant lady who walked into the office while I was there was smiling (this doctor also does regular pre-natal care and deliveries for those who need it) and there was no conversation happening between patients at all.  In fact my children were the only children in the office until right before I left, and I was there for over an hour! 

Part of that was due to the decor I'm sure, as the color palate of this doctors office was dark, but it was just not a happy place to be in and it made me hurt for those ladies who were there to end their baby's lives.  I have never been so anxious to leave a doctors office before!  After I had finally been taken to an exam room all I could do was sit and pray that the doctor would come soon so I could leave.  After being in that office I can all too well imagine the feeling of darkness that surrounds abortion clinics; the lack of hope, the lack of happiness, the lack of life.

Life continues on

Sometimes I wish that I could just curl up and watch life from my couch.  And since Wednesday I have done that more often then I usually do, but part of that is doctors orders to take is easy.  But life continues on.  My girls still need mom to love and cuddle them, bills still need to be paid, laundry still needs to be folded and bathrooms still need to be cleaned. 

However this week it has been hard to be motivated.  Loving my girls has been easy and it took 5 minutes to pay the bills.  The laundry is still piled, clean, on the couch and the bathrooms are still way dirtier then I usually let them get.  But this week I'm not caring.  My family needs some recovery time and so do I.  My body hasn't gone through a lot of stress with this miscarriage but it will still need some time to recoup and so I'm turning a blind eye to the needs of my house and instead spending time with my man and my girls.  Life will return to it's hectic pace soon enough.  These last few days while Dan is home recovering from his surgery will be for our family to enjoy together.

Goodbye Viel Baby #4

Over the course of some very interesting events this past week we discovered that I was expecting Viel baby #4.  However things never felt right to me and so at my doctors appointment I pushed for an ultrasound at 6 weeks, which is not routine here.  The results of that ultrasound confirmed my feelings that this was a non-viable pregnancy in the form of an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy.  So today I go for an injection of drugs that will cause me to miscarry Viel baby #4. 

Because I also felt that something was off with this pregnancy I wasn't allowing myself to become really excited about this baby until I had some answers to my questions, so right now I'm not feeling the devastating emotional effects that I felt with my first miscarriage, however my heart is still hurting over the thought that I am now a mother of 4, yet I only have 2 children here to cuddle.  So today will probably be a bit hard on me and there will probably be some tears associated with the next couple of weeks.

So my precious child whom I will never know here on earth, know that you are loved and that your family was excited that you were here!  You will be missed my special November baby but I know that you are much better off where you are.

Adoption Month!!!

So it's national adoption month.  I never paid much attention to this month before.  I've heard a lot about movember but nothing about adoption.  Why is it that growing mustaches takes precidence over saving kids?  I mean, I understand that movember does have a cause and that cause is good but kids should really take priority right?

And so to update you about our adoption plans, we are planning on attending the international seminar sometime in early 2013.  That's about the extent of it.  My brother did put me in contact with a friend of theirs who is adopting from Ethiopia so hopefully we will be able to have some questions answered there before we even get too far into this! 

And to completely change the subject without any transition at all, Dan had surgery on Wednesday.  He is doing well and his knee seems to be great!  He has felt pretty much zero pain and so we are hoping that his recovery will be speedy.  It's been a long week with everything going on and next week isn't looking to go by any faster, so hopefully we will be able to survive a "relaxing" week at home while Dan is recovering!